Draft Letter I Could Never Send To You, And Never Will

Dear Mr P,

Good afternoon, Mr P! How are you? Doing good with your girl? Let's take it as yes because I see that you're finally going public with your relationship since I saw your dp with your girl. Your girl is sho cute I must say. In case you're wondering (but i doubt you'll ever find this letter anyway) I wrote this because this has been bothering me since days, probably if I dig deeper, It has been lingering since the day we said goodbyes to each other, perhaps, almost year ago. So, I'll just let it all out by typing this long-ass-cringey letter so I (hope) I could feel better after, since i knew, if i told just anyone about this, they might just see me as a vulnerable being, and i don't wanna be viewed like that, especially with people i knew.

Okay, back to the things-i-wanted-to-tell-you-but-i-choose-not-to. Boy, I don't miss you in romantic way nor I want your presence next to me whispering comforting things so that I could feel better. I believed I have moved on but sometimes, the thought of you are still lingering on my head. You left a questionable scar on my heart, because I don't know if I really hated you or just want to hear more explanation from you.

Our first meeting were kinda awkward, I know. My friend said you were handsome and kinda my type, but I didn't believe her at first since your display picture were facing other way so I couldn't see your face clearly lol.  I didn't expect too much from you,  I feel like i was out of your league, even I've thought my friend were joking when she said she wanted to introduce me to one of her seniors.

*                    *                   *

You messaged me first.

After days of talking to each other thru messaging app, you suddenly wanted to picked me up at train station which was marked as the day we 1st met, and the first time, a guy, who isn't my father, became an Imaam for maghrib prayer. In our first met. I was going cray

You are the type most girls probably hate, because you took minutes, even hours to reply, or no reply at all AFTER you read the messages. But i always got your reasons, you fall asleep, you were busy, your schedule with your friends, i got it. By then, I used to your habit of messaging. I never complained much, instead, I tried to understand your position, even though I was going crazy inside just to see a reply from you.

It's my first music festival experience ever, to attend, with a guy.

We met up at train station to the festival, and spent the days beautifully. We walked along, nearly a mile, hand-in-hands, to the venue, very happily, eventhough we both drenched by sweat. I was glad because we could saw Lenka's performance not too far from the stage, and sang along eventhough we both didn't know her song that well. And although we didn't watch all performers thru the end of event and were rushing off just to make sure you got your last train, i was genuinely happy. I was dying and contemplating inside if i should update my social media so that everyone could see how happy I was spending the day with you.

You know what happened now? Yes you guessed it right. I don't even want to hear songs by Lenka ever again because it just reminds me of you, or the day i got to spent with you. I. detested. it. so. much.

The Boy was turning 20!

That was the first time a guy spent a birthday with me, only me. I felt so special. You promised me that we were going somewhere to celebrate your birthday. I, too, looking forward for the day very much. I already got you a present, I choose a blue jumper by Pull & Bear and bought a red velvet cake, spent nearly thousands rupiahs for a first  time, to a guy (and we weren't a thing at that time yet) and not regretted it. (But now, I am)

We watched a movie, had a delicious dinner, took photos, and enjoyed the night scenery which were really beautiful that time. As you drove me home, you took a longer way than usual just because you said you wanted to spent more time with me before we reach my home. I probably went "awww" and blurted out random things at that time but trust me I felt amazing.

We finally became a 'thing'.

Dates after dates, we finally reached the relationship stage. It wasn't complicated at all, and we got along very well. Except, you left without a clear explanation after a 30 days.

When we were a thing, I felt beautiful, the feels of longing for someone and vice versa itself had took an amazing effect on myself.  I always wanted to look beautiful in front of you, with the way I did my make up, the way I spoke to you, even when we talked on messenger apps.

That time, we didn't meet for almost a month, when before, we used to meet just for a lunch, dinner, or a talk, probably once a week or more. I tried to understand that you were having midterms so I didn't try to arrange a date. But you, suddenly left me hanging like an idiot. You removed me from social media, and didn't even take a look at my last messages (we were talking just fine before). That's when I thought our relationship were ended and i tried to not be bothered by it.

I thought the reason you were missing was because you had problems with your parents, uni, or friends so that you didn't want to speak to anyone. I don't even know who your friends were instead of that one junior who also my friend too, but she said she didn't know, or maybe he's just bored with you, idk (and i was so mad at her at that time but little did i know, she had some problems too at that time, and we're all good now) and thus why i don;;t have the chance to ask them what's going on with you.

You finally replied my messages

....a WEEK after, with your weak reasoning. You said that you had your reasons which COULDN'T be explained but i was tired and just ate up whatever your reason was because i thought we were already done long before his explanations.

I accidentally found his instagram account, 

not long after our breakup, which is locked. I knew he created it not too long before i found it because I have searched his name before but there weren't one of his account, neither his followers and following numbers were that much for someone who're long in instagram. What surprised me to death was, his profile picture was him, with a girl, which later i found out that she is indeed his 'new' girlfriend (which was his ex-girlfriend too), thanks to my friend who informed me that his whatsapp profile picture are indeed him with the said girlfriend i saw on instagram. By then, i deleted all of our photos that we took, and blocked and deleted your contact right away.

Did you know how I feel at that time?

Anger? Mad? Sad? Dissapointed? Well, i couldn't handle it. That's when i lost my mind, and confident too. I felt deceived, ugly, humiliated, you name it all. I keep wondering what could possibly go wrong with us, what's wrong with me, am i not beautiful enough, am i not worthy enough to be loved, did he hate the gift i gave him, did he hate the way i talk, did i complained to much, and so on, which is not good. What's good is that i wasn't able to show him to anyone just yet and i thanked myself for doing that.

Yes, people, I was already cheated but he cleaned up his mess and image well before i found his shits. That's when i mad not only at you, but myself as well for letting a douche came close and messing me up. I might took a screenshot and made you as laughing stock with my cliques, but very very deep inside, i was very, very ashamed in front of them.

You may see me like i'm not affected by it at all. You may see my internet persona as a cold, witty, sarcastic and not caring about lovey dovey things at all. Hey, even if i did, the person i wanted to know the most won't know and didn't care at all so, what's the point? But really man, you can never tell a person by its photos nor what they posted on social media accounts because that's only show what they wanted to show.

The feel of knowing that you were cheated and deceived are humiliating, I must say. I am trully an idiot for believing a person so much and sadly you probably don't even know i already found your shit since then, because you even had the courage to sell a FCKNG concert tix to me after all the things you did :) i tend to avoid any confrontations and dramas plus we were already done so i don't want to ask you anything about that.

After all that, yes I kinda talk here and there with some guys but we were going nowhere. But you and all your mess keep popping up on my mind, make me angrier even more, because we already created so much memories before i learnt where the erase button is. Many things remind me of you, and deep down in my heart i hope i could meet you once again, face to face, just to hear your clear explanation of all these. But you seem happy with your girl now so I don't want to bother you with my not so important rants. I just hope when we destined to meet each other some other time, i won't ge remembered about things you've done anymore, I hope i'll laugh it off like it doesn't affect me at all, and you are just ones of my lesson learned i have to learnt.

Until we meet again,


A

Treat or Truth

Good evening, folks!

Seperti biasa hari ini gue mau buang sampah aka unek-unek di blog

But i'm not really sure if i could really spill everything here since this blog is up there in the internet world where anyone from everywhere basically could read what i wrote (if they knew the url, of course) Dan maaf-maaf kalo bahasa preman gua agak keluar ya aduh gak bisa banget pake bahasa yang menarik dan berestetika tinggi (gimana mau dibukuin nih blog)(gadeng canda)

Jadi. teman-teman dan saudaraku. gue. baru. belajar. makin lo gede. makin mahal tuh. harga kejujuran. mihil banget.

Everyone cheats and be cheated. There's no in between. Lo mungkin ngerasa udah jujur, tapi apa orang sekitar lo udah jujur sama lo? Dan lo yakin, yakin banget? There are no 100% truths in this world. Adalah pasti poles dikit sana sini biar menarik atau looks pleasing di mata orang.

Dan kadang orang yang gak jujur tuh malah jadi lebih agresif gak sih dari yang jujurnya? 

Entah jujur sama diri sendiri atau sama orang lain. ASLI deh sekarang tuh ya gue kalo ngomong cerita jujur ke orang-orang aja pilih pilih. Takut euy tadinya mau ringanin beban malah ngasih kartu joker ke orang lain. Dan apa ya curhat remeh temeh ke orang lain sebenernya gak bantu-bantu amat ringanin beban gak sih?. Respon default orang-orang tuh pasti cuma "yaampun sabar ya" "pasti bisa kok semangat" udah, paling basic.

Ada juga yang keliatannya care banget nih sama masalah lo, ngasih saran ina inu eh ujungnya nyari celah buat personal gains. Itu gak jujur. Atau bahasa lainnya gak ikhlas mau bantuin.

Atau ada yang sotoy, kayanya tau banget gitu yang diomongin, padahal nyicipin bidangnya kaya apapun ngga. Itu gak jujur juga.

Atau kalo bahas hubungan romansa tuh kaya yang selingkuh misalnya? Maksud gue tuh...orang-orang ngapain ya selingkuh tuh gue masih gak ngerti. Biar apa? Biar dikata cakep? Biar dikata masih laku?. Terus yang bikin kesel biasanya yang model gini nih kalo hampir ketahuan suka lebih defensif sendiri, parnoan sendiri sama pasangannya atau sama orang lain. Yang salah siapa yang marah-marah sampe playing victim siapa. Kan bikin ketawa. Orang ngapa-ngapain, eh ngana curiga sendiri. Gue tuh udah apal sama orang kaya gitu sampe-sampe gerak geriknya pun, bikin gue ngakak aseli kepedean banget sok polos padahal mah gue juga tau lagi apa kaleee. Tapi kalo yang ini sebenernya buat that one particular person sih HAHAHAHA bodo amat bodo imma let it all out. I'm so done sama orang yang kayak gini soalnya.

Gue juga gak ngerti ini jelasnya ngomongin apa, tapi yang jelas gue nulis ini karena ada bentuk kekecewaan dari orang-orang sekitar gue. People i used to look up to, people i used to adore. But fine, people changes, so do I. Anda-anda semua gak jujur sama saya, kenapa saya harus jujur. Emang sih ujung-ujungnya gak solutif  dan not a very wise decision, but oh well orang orang yang bohong sama saya pun gak peduli. Intinya TRUST NO ONE BUT YOURSELF, oiya jangan lupa juga minta petunjuk sama Sang Pencipta semoga kita selalu dikasih petunjuk yang benar. Aamiin

The Unsaid Words

In the name of Allah, the Entirely merciful, the Especially Merciful

I dedicated this special post for no other than Allah, whose been leading me to His path, until where i'm currently walking right now. I've never been feeling so grateful in my life, until now. Al-hamdulillaah.

Dalam hidup saya, saya memang belum bisa disebut sebagai orang yang sangat religius dalam kesehariannya. Meskipun di umur saya yang dapat dianggap sudah dewasa sekarang ini, saya sering kali terganggu dengan beberapa ideologi-ideologi baru yang mungkin membuat iman saya sempat goyah, saya sangat bersyukur saya masih diberi hidayah oleh-Nya, atau mungkin 'teguran kecil' sehingga saya masih berpegang teguh terhadap apa yang telah saya percayai dan saya anut.

Saya tahu, saya memang tidak semestinya menggantungkan harapan kepada manusia, sesama ciptaan-Nya. Sering saya mengeluh betapa seringnya saya dikecewakan oleh sesama manusia karena perbuatannya. Pun, saya tahu banyak yang kecewa terhadap apa yang mungkin saya telah perbuat sebagai manusia, yang tidak lepas dari banyak kesalahan. Dan disaat itulah, saya mulai menghilangkan harapan saya kepada manusia, meskipun saya tahu saya sendiri adalah seorang manusia. Ironi memang, namun seperti inilah pandangan saya saat ini. Tidak tahu besok, lusa, atau beberapa bulan kemudian. Bukan, saya bukan benci terhadap manusia. Namun untuk saat ini, saya hanya tidak bisa benar-benar percaya kepada manusia, yang setiap individunya memiliki tujuan dan rencana masing-masing. Termasuk saya sendiri. Karena manusia bisa berencana, namun tetap Allah, Yang Maha Sempurna-lah yang menentukannya.

Apabila saya tinjau kembali perjalanan kehidupan saya yang lalu-lalu, saya menyadari betapa egoisnya saya terhadap apa yang saya inginkan, betapa tinggi ambisi saya untuk mendapatkan sesuatu, dan betapa cepatnya saya berubah menjadi apatis terhadap lingkungan di sekitar saya. Yah, namanya juga manusia. Semuanya memiliki keinginan dan tujuannya masing-masing dalam hidup. Lucunya, dari beberapa ambisi saya tersebut, ada beberapa yang saya sendiri, yang jujur memiliki tingkat self-esteem yang rendah, tidak percaya dapat mencapainya.

Sebut saya pemalas, penunda pekerjaan yang handal, dan kurang teliti atau ceroboh. Namun apabila saya putar kembali apa saja pencapaian yang saya raih selama ini, saya masih tidak percaya saya dapat melaluinya. Dari beberapa pencapaian tersebut, saya sering kali merasakan kehadiran-Nya dalam kehidupan saya. Ada saja beberapa kejadian dimana saya merasa dimudahkan karena-Nya. Misalnya seperti sekarang ini. Saya masih tidak percaya saya bisa masuk departemen K3 yang sudah saya idam-idamkan sebelum masuk ke universitas ini, hingga akhirnya sekarang saya menjadi bagian dari departemen ini. Hal kecil, memang, namun saya pernah benar-benar pasrah dan telah siap dengan berbagai kemungkinan yang ada bila saya berada di departemen lain. Saya sungguh siap apabila saya ditakdirkan bukan berada disini karena saya yakin masih banyak yang lebih-lebih baik daripada saya baik itu dari segi prestasi akademik, maupun non-akademiknya yang sama-sama menginginkan departemen yang saya tuju ini. Kemudian, dulu saat saya masih menjadi mahasiswa tingkat II, saya pernah menguping pembicaraan dua orang senior saya mengenai dosen pembimbing yang luar biasa baiknya sangat membantu proses skripsi senior saya ini. Salah satu senior tsb berasal dari departemen dimana saya berada sekarang. Dalam hati saya berkata, akan sangat beruntungnya saya apabila saya mendapatkan dosen pembimbing yang sama, di departemen yang sama, seperti senior saya. Waktu pun berlalu hingga akhirnya, dan sekali lagi, Ia menunjukkan kasih sayang dan keajaibannya kepada saya, saat saya tahu, saya akan dibimbing oleh dosen yang sangat saya inginkan bahkan sebelum saya tahu apakah saya bisa masuk departemen ini atau tidak. Entah merupakan suatu kebetulan atau tidak, tapi saya benar-benar merasakan kebesaran-Nya, sekali lagi. Allahu Akbar.

Saya sangat-sangat bersyukur akan hal itu. Mungkin masih banyak lagi kejadian bagaimana Yang Maha Kuasa menunjukkan kasih sayangnya, yang saya lagi-lagi sebagai manusia biasa tidak menyadarinya. Meskipun saya beberapa kali sering melanggar perintah-Nya, namun kasih sayang-Nya seakan tidak henti-hentinya mengalir kepada saya. Dan disitulah saya merasakan kasih sayang yang sesungguhnya. Saya benar-benar merasakan rasanya 'disayangi' yang tidak pernah saya rasakan sebelumnya ole manusia. Saya tidak tahu akan jadi manusia seperti apa saya dikemudian hari, namun saya berharap saya dapat memanfaatkan kasih sayang yang diberikan kepada saya ini, dengan menjadi manusia yang lebih bermanfaat dengan sebaik-baiknya, tak henti-hentinya mengucapkan kata syukur, sebagaimana Sang Pencipta menyayangi saya dengan segala kasih sayang-Nya. Aamiin.

My self centered thoughts - Long ass post ahead

Hai bloggie ku yang lapuk. Sudahlama tidak berkunjung dimari.

Sebelumnya mau bilang, Minal aidin wal faidzin semuanya!!! Walaupun telat dikit tapi gapapa kan ya!!!! (ngomong sendiri) (jawab sendiri)

In case ada yang penasaran, ya alhamdulillah kabar gue baik baik aja. Lagi sibuk jadi panitia sama ikut kursus slama libur. Anyway, gue diterima di peminatan K3 just like what i wished back in my freshman years. Alhamdulillah, Allah masih peduli sama gue hehehe doakan aku semoga lancar di departemen ini sampai skripsi dan lulus nanti. Aamiin.

Nah gue mau cerita. Ada satu sih yang ngeganjel sekarang ini. The higher power in my house (ye let's just call it as it is) often asks me about who i'm dating with. Why do i haven't got any boyfriend yet and so on. Terus bilang jangan keasyikan liatin musik sama nonton drama jadi keasyikan, lupa deh cari pacar. Wow wow what a way to enlighten my life vision. Lagian ada ada aja, ngapain cepet cepet punya "the one" you could call it mine diumur yang sekarang sih. Ya silakan kalo ada yang happy begitu, i'm happy for you, gak salah, tapi buat yang sendiri terus sedih galau keluarin quotes quotes bahwa single is the worst, i feel bad for you. I admit back in few months ago, i envied those who shared their happiness with their other half with such cute captions and heartwarming photos. However, something happened, and it completely changed my mind. I have another stuffs which must be taken care of from now on. Yall probably could see what's worrying me from my recent posts from 3 years ago until now.  I really don't want to depend on anyone else. I want to be independent, i want to asure myself that imma have bright future years ahead with my own hardworks. Plus, i don't want to get myself caught in useless, tiring, and stupid situations which would affect my future.

Sure, i have the desire to meet the so called my other half. But i think,  for now it's not that important. I'm not saying i would forbid myself from getting into a relationship. People come and go, hence, i can say that i'm quite used to the people who left after getting such a ti'is response from me (Ti' is alias bahasa belandanya dingin-you get me). I'm sorry you won't get any unyu unyu response from me, unless I'm sure you'll bring no harm (emangnya kuman) dan eventho, they left, gue juga yang yaudah????We weren't together by law so gue gabakal kehilangan apa-apa juga sih, ya sedih sedih dikit ajah tapi yaudah emang we werent meant together toh??? And sayings like "nikah aja sama orang kaya biar gak susah" "abis kuliah mau langsung nikah aja" would not work for me. Because, let's say that i got married with an anak pejabat business man once i graduated from uni. Ya syukur ketemunya yang baik.  kalo misalnya in some ways, he cheated on me (naudzubillahminzalik) , be it i know or not, and worst, abused me, either verbally or physically, while i don't have any jobs and bener bener depend on my husband financially, gue bisa apa selain iya iya aja sih? Ya ok cerai, but while i don't have any back up plan for supporting me, what could i do after that? Nikah lagi? Anak-anak gue? No, i don't want my kid experince such a thing. Intinya, I don't want that kind of relationship. Ya emang kejauhan mikirnya, tapi apapun bisa terjadi yakan. And nope kid, i'm not making stories, i have seen shhoo many kind of relationships like this in my entire life. And i don't want "that" happened with me. Lagian, Takdir Allah siapa yang tau. What i'm doing right now, is my way to prevent if those unpleasant things happened in the future.

I don't really mind if anyone ever called me with jones orsomething like that (the jokes is getting old tho, i suggest you to find the new ones). Those galau galau account be it on twitter or those that your friends shared on Line irk me in so many levels. Cewe harus jual mahal lah, cowo harus inilah, wey lu gila ya. These kind of sayings will affect younger generations in negative ways, rather than love theirselves for what they have achieved. ya emang gak semua, cuma akun-akun menye kaya gitu pasti mempengaruhi orang banyak. Gue, dulu, salah satunya. Sedih juga kalo dipikir-pikir.

I have soooo much things i want to aim other than this one. Get accepted in graduated school, travels around the world, punya rumah sendiri, atas nama gue, and so on. And so do YOU! You can find happiness everywhere and anywhere kok, gak harus nunggu dikasih sama orang lain. Make yourself happy, and proud, and live your life to the fullest.

Tl;dr, to the higher power that makes me writing this long, probably full of bs post, please don't worry about me or what happened with my love life. I'm happy, safe and sound for who i am, by myself. My future plan is on me, so the right thing you could do are supporting my decision and wishing my plan would work on me, smoothly, hence, everything will be just fine.

My Future

HI, I'm back. Anyone missing me? /nope/ /not even in your dreams, Al/ 

--SKIP--

Guys, you know, I've been wondering for these past days what my future would be like, uhm, more like worrying?. Ya gue lagi bener-bener mikir kayak apakah gue dengan karakter gue, keadaan gue, sekarang masih bisa survive di masa depan gue nanti?

Apakah, dengan adanya MEA di 2015 gue bisa bersaing dengan bermilyar-milyar orang buat tetep hidup?

Atau gue bakal kesapu arus jadi puing puing debu jalanan? Gak gak maaf banget yang itu garing, tapi kali ini serius gue kepikiran beberapa hari ini. Okay, fine sekarang gue masih dapet financial support dari orang tua gue yang Alhamdulillah mencukupi kebutuhan gue selama kuliah. Tapi, sampai kapan gue bakal di support? Ya kalo buyut gue keturunan Bakrie, mungkin bisa sampe...minimal gue 50 tahun lah ya masih bisa lah leha-leha sambil main saham. BUT WHO THE HELL I'M KIDDING THO. Like, 2015 aja persaingan udah dari mana-mana, guys. Wait. Lemme think. uMM my english is sucks, i don't find myself really talented either nor i'm an A-straight-students which every parents dreaming of, i'm struggling at social-life, and please don't ask me about relationship-thingy, it's  shooooo much worst than any other love story. Calm down guys, at least, this girl right here, is still alive, but she barely breaths. Yea

Selain akademik, gue juga kepikiran kayak, gini deh sekarang harga apa-apa mahal, gue baca dimana gitu tiap tahun gedung pernikahan harganya naik 6 juta HAHAHAHAHAH IRIS TANGAN GUE PAKE KANGKUNG, belom lagi, tempat tinggal woi gilak jaman sekarang 400 juta lo cuma dapet rumah yang kecil mepet gitu parah gue mau tinggal dimana ntar.

Let's talk about family thing. Hahahah mau ngayal dulu yah, gue maunya anak gue ntar dapet didikan yang bener. Makasih banget bapak Song Il-kook udah bukain mata gue gimana didik anak yang bener tapi santai. Gue pengen anak gue bisa tangguh, ga menye kayak emaknya ini, terus ya bandel boleh tapi ga crossing the line lah masih wajar. KITA HARUS DEKAT OK MY SON MY DAUGHTER ADA APA APA CERITA AJA SAMA MUM. Gue gamau anak gue sungkan cerita gitu lho sama gue karena takut respon orangtuanya. Masalah pendidikan juga gue maunya sebelum menikah pun /hahahahaahahahahahahha ketawa gak lo semua/ gue udah punya tabungan gitu buat pendidikan anak-anak gue, selain buat gue juga buat hidup. Gamau gue asal-asal ntar anak gue outputnya juga jadi asal-asal NO WAY, DON'T WORRY NAK, MOM WON'T GONNA LET THIS ONE HAPPEN . Tapi lo tau, kalo lo mau ngedidik anak lo kaya gitu, means lo harus udah punya financial support yang kuat. HiiHu,,,,,,,,,,,,

Dan jujur deh gue pengen keluar dari comfort zone gitu tapi selalu takut tapi kayak nyali ada tapi baru nyadarnya atau baru ada nyalinya pas kesempatannya udah lewat gitu. Useless, i know. I'm trying, y'know.

Intisarinya, doain gue ya semuanya, semoga jalan hidup yang gue pilih sekarang gak salah, bakal keep on track terus, santai boleh la dikit tapi inget, orang di sekitarlo MILYARAN ORANG DI SEKITAR U juga lagi bersaing ok, Bikin bangga orang tua, itu pasti, jangan lupa ibadah, dan keep on track juga sama yang diatas.

SO PLEASE GUYS, ANYONE, MOM, DAD, GRANDAD, FRIENDS, LECTURER, MR AND MRS WHO  JUST HAPPENED TO BE READING THIS PLEASE DON'T GIVE UP ON THIS GROWN-UP WOMAN JU..S..t ye..t.

Regards,

A-Mid-Life-Crisis-Student

nb; gue dapet undian hi5, signed poster, group photo buat fanmeet kwb HAHAHAHAH guys, told ya, mukjizat itu nyata.

Dear 10 Years Later Me

A.k.a 28 yo Allysa

hi,
this is me writing this letter on 25th September 11.48 PM.
well, this is awkward but hi honey. this is 18 y.o you speaking..
apa kabar? how's life? lagi sibuk kerja ya sekarang..oiya si dedek udah dikasih susu belom? ntar ngerengek lagi.
si papah juga udah pulang kantor apa belom sih? telfon coba kalo belom pulang, khawatir kenapa kenapa deh.

btw lagi tanggal tua nih, masih cukup kan buat makan sama susu si adek?. jangan lupa si adek kalo bisa udah diajarin makan sendiri biar mandiri plus gemesin kayak song triplets. jangan manja sama anak sendiri! jangan males! ntar anaklo nyontoh yang gabaek lagi.
 semangat kerjaannya! kalo ada deadline kerjain dulu sebelom baca tulisan gue, oke? oiya anaklo pastiin udah tidur juga ya. jangan ngalong mulu kayak emaknya.

hm tadi gue abis nyelesein tugas manajemen huhu mager banget deh mana schedule makin penuh aja. kangen rumah D: sabtu simulasi aksi panas-panasan lagi deh. jangan lupa perawatan kulit hoy gila sekarang aja depok makin panas gimana jaman lo ya. semangat deh.

gue lagi ngambis banget jir sekarang gatau kenapa tapi takut hasilnya fail..elah galau huhuh sekarang mah lo ora galau-galauan ya iyalah enak tinggal nunggu pulang suami main sama anak-anak deh.
eh kalo ngajak jalan keluarga lo yang asik gitu jangan ke mall mulu, anaklo konsumtif entar. oiya anaklo juga ajak maen sama anak seumurannya ya.

gimana dong gue lagi super insecure nih sama semuanya. hu gue bakalan usaha deh supaya bisa sepede pas lo baca ini. biar lo bisa senyam senyum pas baca ini sambil bilang 'elah udah tenang aja coy yang disini hidup nyaman, tentram, suami sayang, anak senang'

eh nyet sekarang lo masih suka pria ber-bb cream gaksih? haduh plis jangan sampe ya kasian laki lo tuh kalo hobi lo nontonin gituan mulu. tapi cerita-cerita ke anaklo boleh lah ya jaman-jaman lo bela-belain nabung beli tix konser oppa sampe rela antri gada ruang napas demi liat lelaki-lelaki bermekap. ini aja album sama poster gue bingung taro mana jir di kosan sempit gini. dibawa ke rumah gamungkin. masih disimpen kan ya album-albumnya mayan tuh jadi album vintage ntar dijual. btw bias gue apa kabar tuh, pcy? masih sama grupnya? ceilah gaya banget. kalo daniel gimana? tattoonya udah sampe idung? beenzino masih ngeluarin album kan? wakakak.

udah bisa masak apaan aja lo. cerita sini sama gua jangan mentok cuma di spaggheti sama nasi goreng keles. malu ama mertua lo.
gimana S2 nya? ga ninggal anaklo kan? eh bokap nyokap gue apa kabar. lupa daritadi nanyain keluarga kecil doang.

jangan lupa tuh urus juga bokap nyokap lo. lo bisa kaya gini gara-gara siape gila. siape lagi yang bawelin lo kalo nyetir jangan ngebut. wey gue aja masih suka ditelfonin kalo pulang malem walau ada tebengan. jangan suka asik ma temen kongkow ah sampe ortu sendiri dilupain. gabaek. tengoklah kalo bisa sering-sering.


kalo lo baca ini berarti masih ada blogger ya. alhamdulillah kalo gitu surat gua kebaca heu. c u ah gua mau tidurm lo tidur juga udah jam berapa ini diamuk laki lo ntar.

to 10 years later me, hope you're doing well and dont forget to smile jangan jutek ya, kalo ada arisan tetangga dateng jangan males

well im safe and sound here while writing these so i hope the same goes for you, too. dont push yourself too much. sayangi keluarga ya apapun masalah lo sekarang semoga cepet kelar dan selesai dengan damai. aameen


With love,

18 y.o Allysa

In The Next World

In the next world,
If you were to be reborn as a beautiful person,
I would like to be reborn as an angel,
Although I may be invisible,
And you'll go on loving someone else,
I would like to be reborn as an angel to protect you.

In the next world,
If you were to be reborn as a beautiful bird,
I would like to be reborn as a magnificient tree.
Although I would have to wait for you in one place,
I would like to be reborn as a tree,
Where you may rest when your wings are weary.

In the next world,
If you were to be reborn as  a beautiful rose,
I would like to be reborn as a humble Baby's Breath flower,
Although I may not look like much in your presence,
I would like to be reborn as a Baby's Breath flower,
So your beauty may grow and  you can be loved.

cr: Yoo Misung

Sounds Perfect for Me :)

Nyaris TGIF

Oi tadi masa di sekolah gua ada presiden tinju dunia gitu dah presentasi anti narkoba, terus ada pertandingan futsal sama tambang sama sekolah sebelah diiringi dengan live music dari sekolah kita. Seru banget pertandingannya cungguh cumpah cius enelan.

No.

Sebenernya mah bodo amat sih sama pertandingannya tapi tadi...pas live music...doi main bass coy. Wkwk biasa aja sih ch, hehe. oke...................

............................................

...........................................


HOIIII GAK BISA. ASGDHJKL:DFDSADDASDSA gakuadhhhhh keren parah HAIHAIHISHIHAIHSIHSI Plis plis plis balikin kayak dulu plis bilang kalo dia dan dia itu cuma hoax plis plis plis.Opotoh ndo opo, sudahlah biarkan dia dengn barikadenya hahahahahhahahahahahah udah selesai gitu aja dehya makasih. dahdahdah

Wassalam

T_T

I really need to get over you. But, something always bring me back to you. I'm  totally, mentally, fucked up. ASTAGA!!!!! WOY!!! Gangerti lagi ah. Se-gabisa-itu <\3 Btw fotonya lucu nged. Hehe. foto siapa icha......Gatawu.............................I'm feels so dumb.

K. *inhale* *exhale*

Forgive him, forgive myself, value of my life. Come on dude, don't stick to the past for someone who DOESN'T EVEN CARE that you're still there for him. Nuff said. -Xx

HELLO FRIENDZONED!

That moment when you likes someone and he loves another girl who already has a boyfriend yet her boyfriend is his bestfriend too. He tells you everyday that he really likes her, and can't even get her out of his mind. He often calls you wrong, with 'her' nickname, and then you were mad. Really mad. But yet you still forgive him. Cheering him up if he was feeling down. And when you were feeling down bcs of him, he weren't there to cheer you up. He doesn't even know abt what you feels.. Plus he once said that you and him are best bestfriends for eva. And it's called.......FRIENDZONED INCEPTION. h0h0h0h0  FTV banget cuih. Makan tuh FTV. Makan tuh pacar temen lo. Gadeng canda. Bye.


P.s:sorry for my bad english.

DEV and her Family

Baru baru ini ngestalk twitter-nya Dev (@DEVishot) gaterlalu ngefans sih cuma suka beberapa lagunya aja. Terus gatau terlalu banyak juga tentang riwayat riwayat nya gimana. Yang mau di share disini adalah foto Dev dengan little family nya. Kenapa emang? Abis beda banget sama artis artis lain, coba ditengok tweets dia sering banget ngeshare foto dia lagi sama keluarga, apalagi her baby emillia lewat instagram. Begitu juga sama suaminya (@jimmygorecki) Seneng liatnya awww too cute :3 nih beberapa fotonya:

nyawwnessshh :3

Lovely family <3

on father's day!

yoo nigga

Jimmy's bday cake

stylish emilia :

They will be my favorite family <3

:/

Sob yea sob sok asik. Hai hai hallo.
Under pressure nih. Gimana ya. Gakuku lagi. Aduh aduh tekanan dari mana-mana. Ada yang ngeganjel. Mungkin seperti suatu keinginan atau apa ya gangerti. Sangat mengganggu. Kepikiran terus. Gakngerti sampe kapan ilangnya. Tapi, gabisa diomongin atau gak boleh diomongin lagian gak punya hak apapun saat ini. Bahkan di blog gue sendiri. Cerita sama siapa juga yah tau banget responnya pada bakal kayak gimana. Jadi? percuma cerita. Dan gangerti juga kenapa bisa terus terusan ngeganjel kayak gini. Kadang malah kepikiran yang ngga ngga. Yang gamungkin. Yang mustahil. Mau semedi di goa mana juga gabakalan kejadian. Gimana dong? Kadang pengen cerita ke stranger aja. Gatau kenapa hehehe. Atau cerita sama doraemon, dengan baik hati langsung ngasih solusi instan. Asik yaga? Aela apasih icha. Terus kalo gamau cerita ngapain di share? Gatau deh ah.

OEEY

Hi. Met malem^^

Abis baca posting yang dari jaman phytecanthropus erectus..aih kangen ya pas gua masih jadi jadinya. Apa coba jadi jadinya-_- icha lagi pengen random posting aja nih. heuheu

Alhamdulillah hari ini puasanya kuat yah walaupun sampai ga ditraktir d'cost deh sama Ivanna :( jadi kedapetan nonton hi5teria nya doang.

Oya, hi5teria ini kan genrenya hororr. Buat lo penggemar horror sih level cemen banget. Tapi buat gue, pilihan menonton film horror adalah salah satu pilihan yang gaakan gue pilih'. ngerti kan maksud gue? Tapi mirip phobia gitu ceritanya, dibagi 5 berseri. Yah Indonesia apa sih yang gak ngikutin.

Dan lo tau apa? setelah nonton itu gue bukannya pulang, malah nyusul nyokap gue yang ada di sarinah, biar di rumah gak sendiri. Padahal lagi puasa. HaHaHa tertolol2012. Ah sudahlah lupakan.


terus apa ya....akhir akhir ini jadi tidur malem terus gara gara kebiasaan ulangan. Wah pas ulangan belajar sampe malem ya cha? H4h4h4h4h4h4h sini tabokin pantatnya dulu. 10% belajar 90% kurang ajar. Hasilnya mari qana'ah saja seperti biasa.

Terus lovelife gimana cha? UHUK UHUK UHUK batuk bu? Minum obh cimbi kid, semriwing.EA. Malu ah :$
 Apasih geli banget IUWWWWWWWH wkwkwk icha kenapa.......ah ga gimana gimana coy hufffft biarkan mengalir seperti air aja, selonin selonin. EA geli banget anjir:(

Udah ah ngablu gini. Wassalam

Correct

"As we grow up, we learn that even the one person that wasn't supposed let us down, probably will. You'll have your heart broken and you'll break others hearts. You'll fight with your bestfriend or maybe even fall in love with them, and you'll cry because time is flying by. So take too many pictures, laugh too much, forgive freely, and love like you never been hurt. Life comes with no guarantees, no time outs, no second chances. You just have to live life to the fullest, tell someone what they mean to you......."

Happy Anniversary!!!!!!!!

Lah cha salah judul? Kaga kaga bukan gua yg anniv dodol..... Jadi yang anniv Siapa? Mama w sama bapak w. Yah telat postingnya sekarang. Ah lanjut. Yaudin...

1....



2....




3.......

HAPPY 17th ANNIVERSARY MOM & DAD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Semoga makin baik semua semuanya gada masalah masalah lagi makin sayang sama anaknya yang imut ini dan gak pelit :-] Semoga selalu diberi kesehatan dan panjang umur sampai icha berkeluarga nanti :D Semoga icha bisa kaya kalian yah!  I love you both! :-*

Ok editannya sangatlah alay. Babay :")

Effin friday

Njir coy hari ini ada yg curigaan gue kira dia tau kalo gue nananana. Gue kira sama itu taunya bukan. Alhamdulillah! tapi tetep aja gue malessss kan jadinya. Klo sekarang abang begitu gue nya jd keinget yg lama lagi kan. maaf ya bang tp abangnya jg yg bikin aku inget lg :(. mana td ada yg bikin malu gr2 ELU LEMES njir tau ah bang satai monkay. Eh dapet info. ada yg anak tunggal. Eh tunggu. Gapenting juga kayanya. Trs kemaren. wkwk tau ah jd pengen beli lg cm mau ketemu ------ <- gatau siapa namanya. idiot :'D

ahh skip. SELASA MEEEEEN SELASA!!! Okay over dramaqueen in action. Knp selasa? gue uts. OMG tapi blm climax. Ini yg climax-> gue uts duduk didepan. Belom nyampe klimaks. JADWAL HARI KAMIS IPS MTK SENIBUDAYA. WWWWWWWWWWWWWWWHTHFCK!!! Ah tau ah aku mah pasrahin aja ya kalo bisa syukur, gabisa yaaaaa...syukurin. Ketai ah ksl stt seenak jidad lokata otak gue kaga limit apah? Ah knp omongannya kaya preman tankus sih. Trs td disekolah, gue skrg apa-apa ngomongnya jadi 'kamu sih...gamilih tirai 3 kan jadinya zonk' cacat mental cacat mental. Trs yg minta exc.link ntr ye lg males. HEHE maaf :3

see ya bye bye

eh tunggu...

hng engga jadi

...

Hey did you know? I miss my old friend.....I think we can called him, Pak Gede. Ya td gue liat foto2nya dia daaaaaan.....gue kgn masa masa dulu. Yah gue cuman mau ngenang doang. Gapapa kan?. Hei lo sekarang udh berubah banget. Kita emang gapernah sama sekali tegor-tegoran disekolah, tapi 'dulu' kita selalu chatting bareng kan? Share pengalaman kita masing masing. Dulu kita temenan biasa kan? Gue harep, lo juga msh inget gue, sebagai temen lo. Sumpah ya, setahun selama kls 8, hidup gue penuh banget sama wajahlo.

Gue berterimakasih banget sama facebook. Kalo gada facebook, gue gabakal kenal lo. Seenggak bisa ngomong bareng lo meski cuma didunia maya. Makasih, dulu lo berinisiatif (atau gak sengaja) nge-add gue di facebook. Mungkin, gue lagi beruntung hehe. Eh eh lo inget gak? Kita wtw-an gitu, trs lo blg lo terkenal gidu. ahaha gue msh inget lo :p Dan gatau sejak kpn gue suka bgt ol & nungguin lo, online. Meskipun ganyapa, lo online aja udh seneng gue.

Inget gak pas b'day lo? Gue gak sengaja ngucapin gitu. Trs akhirnya jd ngobrol ngobrol ngelantur hakhakhak tulul. Terus ya, gue inget banget pas tanggal 1 Januari 2010 malem2 gue ngucapin happy new year gitu. Akhirnya kita jd ngobrol2. Ngelantur gajelas. Trs lo nyruh gue pulang dari galaxee naik ojek :')

Lo inget gak ya pas besoknya gue minta siblings gitu kan ke lo, nah trs lo gatau caranya. Wkakaka, eh abis gitu lo minta nomor hp gue :") anjir sumpah ya seneng abis parah gue disituuuuu. Seorang lo gt ya haha oke ini lebay tapi nyata. Trs kita lanjut di sms kan. Ngobrol-ngobrol gt. Trs tidur malem deh wkwkw gue nyuruh lo gosok gigi tp lo nya gamau gitu. Lo nya malah ngomong ngelantur. Sumpah ngakak!!! Tp gue seneng, sampe seninnya gue cerita ke tmn baik gue :"""")

Sebelum ultah gue, gue nebak nebak, apa lo bkl ngucapin apa ngga. Disitu gue sampe doa2 wkwk lebay parah ye-_- Malem sebelum ultah gue, gue chatlo, tp lo gabales pdhl lo msh online. Disitu gue kesel abis meeeeeeen, gue maki2 di twitter, udh pupus bayangin lo ngucapin ultah ke gue. Ternyata pas gue liat fb gue pagi paginya.......tadaaaa ada 2 wall dari lo. Satu minta maaf gbls chat, satu lg ngucapin ultah. hehe gue seneng lagi wkwk tolol-_-

Apalagi ya? Oiya pas beli pop ice!!! Inget banget, gue lagi beli pop ice coklat gidu, trs lo beli pop ice anggur kan? Dan lo tepat banget persisdisebelah gue. Dan gue kaget wkt itu. Tapi kita berdua ttp sok cool. Gada yang nyapa satu sm lain hehe mungkin pada gengsi kali ya atau ganyadar kalo ada gue disitu. Dan yg bikin gue tambah seneng lg, pas hari jumat sorenya, lo chat gue, lo nanya ke gue, 'lo beli pop ice gitu y pas hari kamis?' Ternyata lo nyadar & itu bikin gue seneng banget asal lo tau.

Trs pas libur seminggu karna kls 9 nya tryout. Gue online, lo online. Gak ngarep disapa, gue open new tab, twitteran & blablabla. Eh tb2 ada yg nyapa gue & itu lo!!!!!! Girang mampus gua disitu ganyangka abis. Kita chatting sampe malem gt ye eh gue nya disuruh off. Yah-_- Tp gapapa, lo chat gue sekali, efeknya seminggu kok. Besoknya gue online lg, eh lo nyapa lagi wakakakakaa seneeeeeeeeng gila gua. Yah walaupun nyapanya gajelas gt. Selama 3 hari aja lo kaya gt, gmn gakseneng gueeeee? Trs pas chat itu kita bahas bahas alay gt, obsesi lo yang mau basmi alay di facebook, minta link games spongebob, bkn banyak sodara, sampe lo yang minta doanya sama gue supaya thread lo jd ht di kaskus. I still remember that. Srsly.

Dan msh byk lg kenanga gue sm lo yang masih tersimpan baik baik di memori otak gue. Dari gue yg selalu duduk di koridor sm tmn2 gue trs lo lewat ah everything!!! Lo tau? Setiap gue chat sm lo, pasti gue save rapi recent chatnya. Sampe gue folderin coba. Dan sampe sekarang msh ada dan msh bisa dibaca kalo gue mau. Lo gatau kan? Never. Impian gue, gue bisa ngobrol didunia nyata 'langsung' smlo. Itu gue udh seneng bgt, kalo bisa kejadian. Oiya gue jadi inget, gue pernah nazar, kalo gue ------ w/u gue mau puasa senin kamis 1 minggu. Tapi ternyata, yg udh nyiptain gue berkehendak lain. Jd gak gue jalanin deh nazarnya :'D

Memasuki kls 9, harapan gue bisa sekelas sama lo pupus. Malah kls gue sm lo jaraknya mkn jauh. Gak lama kemudian, gue taken, seminggu kemudian lo juga taken. Kita gapernah lagi chatting bareng kaya dulu. Kita gapernah share pengalaman masing-masing lg. Sekarang kita tambah jauh, nyaris gakenal. Gue jg gaterlalu terobsesi lagi sm lo. Tapi jujur, gue kangen moment2 sederhana kaya gitu sama lo. Lagian kangen sebagai teman kan wajar? Lo msh inget gue gakya? Lo msh inget orang yg pernah lominta doanya biar thread lo ht gak yaa?. Gue harap msh. Biar lo cm inget sekilas sm gue, itu udh cukup. Gue ga ngarep lebih darilo kok :''). #iwish kita bisa temenan lagi kaya dulu. Gila2-an bareng lg, bahas bahas alay dan ngalay bareng lagi, dan ngelantur bareng lg kaya dulu. Gue tau, mau sepanjang apapun paragraf gue, tapi lo gabakal tau keinginan gue yg ini. Kabar gue aja lo blm tentu lo mau tau. Tapi, cuma ini yg bisa gue lakuin sekarang.

Makasih buat semua kenangannya ya, makasih lo udh jadi penyemangat gue kesekolah 'dulu'. Makasih udh bkn gue ngerasa jd orang yg paling bahagia didunia & paling terpuruk didunia. Makasih makasih makasih, teman lamaku.........

happy fasting everyone!

telat bgt titlenya yha. knp yha. kok alhay yha. yha dibhantu yha (...)

telat telat. tadinya gue mau posting pas gue anniv first month sm bfku tapi apa daya :(. aim cebel aim ga puaca coalnya aim agy dtg buyan, maapin aim yaAllah :'(. sejak kapan aim datang bulan, idiot? shut it.

intinya gue lg ga puasa gara2 ada 'tamu'. mammae ah mammae. heshshehsh ya ngomongnya hayoo^-^ tau mammae? hus gausah dibahas. pacalku lagi shalat dums wiqiqiqi alim yha.

posting kali ini (& sebelumnya) sangat random ya campur aduk abis bosen & gada ide, otak sudah mencapai batas maximum & climax. apalah

selamat menunaikan ibadah puasa bagi yang melaksanakannya!

sumpah ya axis annoying bgt! gak lagi22222 deh milih axis, im3 emang paling kuat sinyalnya. td kan gue quin trs belajar biologi trs trs ada mammae nya trs knp gitu demen amat sm mammae, ampun. trs gue sm aza bukannya ikut bukber malah langsung ngibrit pulang wkwk muuph yha ceman ceman(*\^o^/*)

lagi ngapain? sitting down in front of computer and opening some web pages. anything else? nope. gak smsan sama pacar? mbak, mas, baca ulang postingan dari atas deh. oke oke selo. now what?

gue selalu main gak jelas sm anak papa cebok or c05's. oke dikelas gue selalu dibikin ngaqaq sama tingkahnya ratih. mungkin gak cuma gue, temen2 skls lain jg. aduh mana polos + pede dahsyat parah itu anak wkwk. contohnya kaya hari ini, dia laga2an mau aransemen ulang lagu sherina yg mana ya akikah lupa, aduh mana mukanya melas pula bikin atit peyud. terus ada lagi main tabok refleks. jadi gue tuh suka mainan gitu sm dia. gue nabok ratih sengaja kenceng gitu sambil ngomong 'EH IYA TIH BESOK ULANGAN YA!?!?' lebay. kalo dia kesakitan gue blgnya, maaf ya gue refleks, soalnya impuls ke otot lebih cepat daripada sampainya impuls ke otak. kadang kebalikannya. ha ha ha ha tholol. permainan anak kelainan mental.

ngeselin, masa jadi pada gabisa bukber anak c05 deh pada gaboleh hu :'( hu_hu mau liat pasis pas rambutnya panjanggg sis, rambut kamu cepet panjang yaaaaaa hahaha apasi-_-

udah ah exit, malu sendiri, dah

point

p2w! gajelas njer. kawin sm hanif sono