Why do i tend to push people away when i feel like they're being too close to me? Is it because i'm feeling too insecure of myself or is there any science explanations behind my doings?. You know, it's not like i'm that busy these days beside doing my thesis, but yea something been bugging me off lately.
Recently, there was a guy who approached me. He is a year older than me. we went on a date once and yadda yadda but then i found something in him which is a lil bit too much for me to handle so i kinda lost the interest. Honestly, i feel no regret at all and i thought it was okay feel that we are no match because we were still at the stage of knowing each other, so there's that. And no, the reason is not because there was another guy. I just kinda lost the sparks? idk
The thing is, when i lost interest in a person, i can't fake myself to like them. But i'll try to be as polite as possible (i know how hurt the feels of rejection) and after i discussed the matter with one of my boy-friend (who was happened in an exact position as the guy i talked above) i encouraged myself to talk about how i feel with the said guy. And that was actually my first time i told a guy to just Fortunately, he was aware and asked me first what happened to me. And i listed the things that been bothered me and told the guy to just find another person who matches his persona or whatever. Idk if he got the signal but he acted like i just wasn't ready and updated his sns here and there about how to be strong etc (thank you, you left me with no regret at all)
You know, if i were another person, i probably would hate myself too but I can't help myself okay?
Is this the right term to describe why i acted like these? that would be hyperbole but sometimes it just not about the guy. It might be the guy fault at some points, but there are more bigger picture why i feel like acted like an asshole most of the times. I feel like if they know the real me, the me they don't even guess on what i presented on my social media, the me they think they already know, they would leave me, the annoying me. Same goes when i feel like my friends opted me out when they were going out without telling me. It might be a coincidence but the annoying mind of me keep telling me that i'm no fun to be around so they're rather going out without me.
Who's gonna love the socially awkward person with fierce-tryhard personality outside like me? I'm no Beyonce nor Taylor Swift so my face won't even save me.
Thus why i rarely updated something so explicitly about my feelings, because i think that's miserable. No one would 'really' care about what happened to your feelings. You know the thing i often do as in the an eye for an eye thing? That's what I did, eventough sometimes the eye I aimed isn't the same eye that been aimed at me. Im not being pessimistic (for some parts, probably) but im trying to be realistic. I even consider to seek some professionals sometimes but i guess that's just too much, eh?
Recently, there was a guy who approached me. He is a year older than me. we went on a date once and yadda yadda but then i found something in him which is a lil bit too much for me to handle so i kinda lost the interest. Honestly, i feel no regret at all and i thought it was okay feel that we are no match because we were still at the stage of knowing each other, so there's that. And no, the reason is not because there was another guy. I just kinda lost the sparks? idk
The thing is, when i lost interest in a person, i can't fake myself to like them. But i'll try to be as polite as possible (i know how hurt the feels of rejection) and after i discussed the matter with one of my boy-friend (who was happened in an exact position as the guy i talked above) i encouraged myself to talk about how i feel with the said guy. And that was actually my first time i told a guy to just Fortunately, he was aware and asked me first what happened to me. And i listed the things that been bothered me and told the guy to just find another person who matches his persona or whatever. Idk if he got the signal but he acted like i just wasn't ready and updated his sns here and there about how to be strong etc (thank you, you left me with no regret at all)
You know, if i were another person, i probably would hate myself too but I can't help myself okay?
Social anxiety.
Who's gonna love the socially awkward person with fierce-tryhard personality outside like me? I'm no Beyonce nor Taylor Swift so my face won't even save me.
Thus why i rarely updated something so explicitly about my feelings, because i think that's miserable. No one would 'really' care about what happened to your feelings. You know the thing i often do as in the an eye for an eye thing? That's what I did, eventough sometimes the eye I aimed isn't the same eye that been aimed at me. Im not being pessimistic (for some parts, probably) but im trying to be realistic. I even consider to seek some professionals sometimes but i guess that's just too much, eh?
Salam ziarah,
ReplyDeleteJemput singgah blog saya untuk menambah koleksi tudung dan hijab anda
akinascarves.blogspot.my
InsyaAllah bermanfaat :)